Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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