i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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