So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
