Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
