I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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