Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
