i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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