the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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