So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
