My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
