he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize