she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
