he wants to bone in the snuggie
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
