I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
