She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
