I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
