I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
