You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize