Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
