dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
