I must be too annoying 4 u.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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