My friends, they love my intelligence
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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