Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
