All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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