I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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