all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
