just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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