You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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