I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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