so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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