Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
