My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
