it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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