i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
