ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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