He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
