So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
