maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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