That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
