that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
