you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
