Where did you get a picture of my penis
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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