you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
