i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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