Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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