he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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