Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
