You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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