Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
