my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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