Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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