there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
