Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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