How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Ketchup is God's man juice
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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