The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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