Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
