And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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