One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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