Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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