The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
