Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
