If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
