i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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