the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
