Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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