On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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