This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
