If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
