dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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