Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
