i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize