Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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